If this sounds like you, try this Perfect Day solution.
Years ago, when I started Perfect Day, I was challenged by a friend, to set goals for my life that had meaning—not just words on paper that went nowhere but words that had purpose, life and would take me to a mountain top.
As I wrote what my Perfect Day would look like, I remember thinking, “I can do this.” The set of goals I set also met needs in my life. They were goals to achieve, live, grow and walk with a higher plan in mind. I’m fiercely relationship minded but I never considered what reaching these goals would include. People coming into my life while others faded—not forgotten but on to other things in their own life.
People pleasers are rarely, if ever, strong entrepreneurs. In reaching your goals you must balance that competitive spirit along with the need to be a part of a group structure. Loners will find it hard to make it to the top.
Success Does not Necessarily Define You
A year ago, I climbed Mt. Everest! What a challenge and what a goal I reached but it was never about me or my prowess. I had a team of people working with me, alongside me, and back at home. I stood on the top of that mountain realizing that while it allowed me to raise a lot of money for cancer prevention and awareness, it did not define who I am or who I am yet to become.
When I came home, I was still someone’s daughter, wife, mother, friend, and business President. In other words, I had a life to live apart from that mountain or any other that I climbed.
I also realized that while I enjoy being liked by others, I have a job to do. Life goes one and, in my business, which includes dealing with the ups and downs of a very changing economy, I must be who I am, I must be balanced, and I must be sure footed.
I’ve noticed over the past couple of years that many of the clients and friends that I talk with express the need to know they are well liked. I’m not sure if this is the result of a changing life landscape or if it has to do with people just not settling into the role they have been given.
Five Perfect Day tricks to Change Your Thinking
First, enjoy being liked and having influence but don’t allow it to rule your thoughts or habits. You succeed as a leader when you lead regardless of the results or what others may say about you! You may have heard the term: Cowboy Up! It means when life is tough, you get up, dust yourself off and keep trying. You are not looking around for someone to pick you up, you get up and get back on the horse.
Second, enjoy being a part of your group of people. A Perfect Day strategy includes putting your energy into the lives of others. You can perform at a high level with people who are not in step with you. But it’s doubtful you can sustain a strong pace for a long time, when your team is comprised of people who fight against you. Remember, you are the pace setter, the CEO, the President. You are in it for the win and not for a tug of war!
Third, enjoy being around people who like to serve. And with that said, set a goal to have a servant’s heart as well. Only barking out orders in this job-turn-over environment, could leave you stranded. My dad always told me that you learn to lead by example. Roll your sleeves up and get dirty or get in the trenches with your team members.
Fourth, don’t run and mentally hide when people disagree or dislike you. Set your eyes on your clients. Don’t listen to the naysayers of your competition. If you get caught up in what amounts to petty views or discussions, you will take your eyes off the ball. Every World Series Champion knows this one truth: don’t worry about what the person is doing in the outfield. Let that person dance in the rain if that is what they want to do. You watch the ball and concentrate on one thing: hitting it out of the ballpark!
Fifth, seek to be liked but don’t worry about it — one way or the other. You can be fantastic at something and disliked. Sadly, this is true.
The challenge is to stay focused on the right thing, do what you know is best for your company, be as kind as possible to those who work with you and who make up your client base. If you are not flexible in this present work environment, you are probably struggling. Learn to move to a different beat but never compromise your core values.
Remember: a word spoken in kindness changes a harsh situation into one of potential. If I can’t say something productive in a meeting, I may just take a mental break and regroup. You can do the same.
The last thought I will leave with you is one that is very important for our world today. Practice liking people. Sure, there will be people that you need to walk away from to reach your goals. But even if you do part ways, look for that one thing that makes the other person valuable to another company.
How can you, as a leader, be liked without “needing” to be liked? The answer lies in the fact that you must be liked in return. You stand assured of what you have been “given” to do and you do it with grace, firmness, and kindness. These alone will make you flexible and very “likeable!”